I find myself still struggling with doubt. Struggling and well, feeling foolish. It's easy to say "Put your trust in Jesus", but putting your trust in him isn't exactly coming easy. It's easy 23 hours out of the day, but it's that one hour a night where I lie awake sleepless that is tough. Married, 2 Kids, a 3 week old baby and knowing this June me and my wife will have no job; it does weigh on ones mind. I find myself getting short at work with the students, things I might have smiled about two months ago are getting on my nerves. I know some of this comes with having a baby who isn't even a month old yet. ie. My sleep hasn't been what it used to be. But, I also feel that a lot of it comes from this doubt that sometimes clouds my judgment.
The Bible is an awesome book in that it explicitly addresses doubt. In the Bible it shows that our God is the same God who led his people out of Egypt, he is the same God who let one shepherd (Gideon) defeat a mighty army with only 300 soldiers. What's comforting about Gideon is that he too doubted. The Egyptians also doubted, but their doubt was much different. When Gideon doubted he brought those doubts directly to God. When Scouts told Moses that the land the Lord had promised was full of a unconquerable enemy he doubted. For this doubt the Israelis wandered the desert for 40 years. If these men could doubt when they heard directly the voice of God, maybe my doubt is something that is justifiable.
I listened to a great podcast the other day form Life Point Ministries called secret church. One thing they talked about was the nature of God. In this podcast they talked about the power of God. Two verses really struck a chord with me. They are Job 12:23 and Psalms 22:28.
Job 12: 23
23 He makes nations great, and destroys them; he enlarges nations, and disperses them.
Psalms 22: 28
28 for dominion belongs to the Lord and he rules over the nations.
These two verses tell me that our God is powerful enough to rule and control nations. If he can do this than who am I to have doubts. The Bible also shows us that God isn't only a ruler of nations, he is also strong enough to provide everything we need.
Acts 17:25
25 And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything. Rather, he himself gives everyone life and breath and everything else.
If God is strong enough to control nations, if he is going to provide life, breath and everything else; then why should I doubt, why should I worry. Perhaps I worry because of the "uncertain", I have no doubt there will be food on my table, I can't even doubt that there will be a table. God will provide. Perhaps I worry because of "pride". Pride can be a pretty big obstacle to overcome, yet it is not my pride that will provide; it is God.
Romans 8:28
28 We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God: those who are called according to His purpose.
Proverbs 16:9
9 A man's heart plans his way, but the Lord determines his steps.
These last two verses seal it up for me. Romans 8:28 is the actual verse my Dad texted me when he found out about our jobs. Being a Christian separates us from everyone else. When other people lose their jobs, when times get tough; what have they to lean on, who do they call out to. What do they lay awake fearing? When your job is the most important thing in your life, when the dollar is the measure by which you way success. Then what do you have when that is no longer there. Christians have the knowledge that "all things are going to work together". They have the understanding that the Lord is the one that is going to "determine his steps" Being a Christian means that we buy into the belief that our God is an all loving God, that he will provide and that everything happens to work for his Glory. It's nice knowing that the one who created the Universe, the one who designed every leaf and every snow flake; is also the one who is going to help me and my wife get a job. Take that monster.com.
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